LOW BLOW

Shah Rukh Khan dances, he charms , he dreams , he falls in love , dies , is reborn , kicks villain's ass, THE END. Yet another bollywood blockbuster, Yet again i fell for the marketing blitz and decided to find out for my self what Om Shanti Om was all about .So i went to the local multiplex, sat through the song-dance-song nightmare as SRK magically changed costumes between every scene, while the couple on my right 'choochey cooed' tirelessly(which was way more entertaining than the movie by the way) . The real life drama dwarfed Srk's over-acting


"you didn't call me for the 6th time last night"


"But honey, i was just lookin at your picture on my cieling and dreaming"


"Really?...choo chweet.....so how do i look today?"


"You look like a princess my love"



"Seriously?.....princess of a biiiggg country or a small country?"


"Princess of a continent...a solar system....why a galaxy i say! "


"Awwwww.....you know you look so cute..WHEN YOU LIE!!...LOSER!!...galaxy indeed!! Use your flattery on Tina, not on me!!!" (she folds her hands and looks my way....i manage to put forth a weak smile!)


"But honey...Tina is just a friend....nothing more....."



"Maybe you should make her something more"


"but...but....."



"Don't talk to me"


what followed was 5 mins of silence...which i utilised to empty my bucket of popcorn....


"If you don't talk to me"....sniff....sniff...."I might as well die"....sniff....."your my light, my sunshine, my moonlight, my street light, my all"


"My baby...don't cry!...i was just being silly....you know i love you....."


sniff..."me too"....


what followed is best not described, considering the younger audience of this blog!!.....I had great fun though....kissing scenes are always cleverly avoided in hindi movies(THe damned tree).... Lets just say i got my money's worth!!


SRK manages to overcome the more muscular and younger villain, and gets to live happily ever after with the heroine who's half his age!!....GREAT! The rigamarole ended! After the boredom extravaganza, all i wanted to do was head home, so i dial the driver and gave him instructions on where to pick us up .


As usual i used a pot pourri of south indian languages to communicate with the driver (in the end it turns out that he speaks my native tongue malayalam) . So here i am, lost in the dilema over the choicest words to be used to describe my location, I mindlessly walk out through the exit, and into the dark tunnel that led to the outside. And thats when.......


I recieve a soft squeeze to my rear!!

Not since when i came out of my mother's insides and the doctor slapped me gently on my buttocks have i gotten any sorta attention to the "back door". I move the cell away from my ear and look back aghast!!


And when i looked back i saw the fairer half of the couple staring at me in a state of shock and confusion, our eyes met in a moment of understanding, i was rooted to the spot, while she covered her face and retired to the arms of her beau!


The boyfriend probably thought i was troubling his lady and gave me a snooty look. Before the situation worsened i slipped away into the crowd!! PHEW!!


Looking back...i wonder if the guy was my identical butt twin, my long lost bum buddy, cause the girl mistakened her lover's rear for mine, there must have been some similarity! Or did she do that on purpose? Were my butt cheeks too difficult to resist? ALAS... i may never know! But the incident has frightened me thoroughly! I found my self walking sideways and keeping my back to the wall every time i walked through a crowd. I realised that my ASSets are to protected from any sort of intended or unintended harm!!
Damn that SRK!